Todae i went out of my finally. Met wif Joanne to go lot 1 makan. Ended up stealing again. Haiis. I did get e kind of thrill I wanted. It can make mi feel less stressed up. She go SASA to "take" 2 bottles of perfume, dolly n escada. It was easy to get wad we wanted becoz e lights were being switch off for some reasons. At 1st i took a burberry brit. However, e memories of how mi n her was being caught flashed back into my mind. Thus I put e perfume back to it's original spot. Den we proceed to Wastons, well, i hv another shock of my life there. I got my liquid foundation n loose powder in my possesion. But tis stupid & fat male staff over there saw e sensor tag which I peeled off from the items in my hand. Tis arouse his suspection and he starts to follow mi wherever i go. Macham a DOG! I was stunned so i put e tag and put it inside my shirt den i walk out. Guess wad fcuk? E sensor alarm start beeping. IT DID SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF MI. Den i walk back n saw e dog still following mi tightly. I throw e bloody sensor away n put e foundation back. I tink e dog knew tat i was stealing but since i put e item back. I supposed tat he closed one eyes and let mi off. -PHEW!- Den mi n Jo went to Mac for a drink n smk over there. We were recalling about how "SAK" we were last time. Steal so mani tiings macham no fear of getting caught. But after our stealing case, we somehow hv e "fear" in us already. But I dunno y we dun stop tis stupid act. Aniwae we went to Gurdian to take my foundation back while she took her loose powder. Lucky almost all e staff there were being changed. We were caught at there n NTUC last time. Actually I lied to baby again. Told him tat I nv took anitiing but I did. Haiis. Ur may think tat I m a bad gal. Yes. I admit tat I am 1. But I am trying so hard to change for e better ur noe? I realli tried!! I DID!! But I dunno y i am still doing all tis shit. I knew tat I was wrong but i still did it. When I steal I feel happy and excited. But after tat at home when I reflect back, I will regret. But it's too late. I already took it. I wanted to be a good example to my sister my brother n make my parents proud of mi. I hope to give my stead a ease of his mind. I tried so hard to change. I cut my precious hair n dyed it dark coloured. Stop hanging ard wif zai dui ppl at lot 1. Smk so much lesser n all. But I still is a ah lian isnt it? As i am writting tis blog now, I m crying my hartts out. WHY CAN I CHANGE? WHY!!? I hate my self u noe? Hate myself so much. I am not happy dun ask mi y I dunno wad's wrong wif myself too. I hate my illness. I hate my depression. Y muz i kena depression!? Baby i am so sorry to let u dwn over n over again.. I realli wanted to last wif u but i just keep doing all tis shit to hurt u. I didnt mean it. U told mi tat u almost died today becoz of the fire fighting test. I was so worried for u yet I can do nth to help coz ur n camp. Tis is e second time u almost leave mi. 1st time is ur running test. Both u oso almost suffocated. Please dun leave mi..never ya? I love u lots. ANiwae after Going lot 1 I when to met ah Xiang n wesley family at Sunshine place. They r realli a nice group of ppl to hang ot wif thou they alwaes drink beer but they r fun loving. They nv teach mi bad so Im happy to hv them in my life too. Xiang ahh, sorrie tat i cant accept u. I was touched by wad u did for mi. But no matter wad I wun leave my baby coz in my hart I onli love him. I appreciate every single tiing u did for mi but still.. I cant be wif ya. Sorrie. Now I dunno whether baby is angry for mi hanging out late as he dunwan answer my calls. Aiyo, siao liao lah. So mani problems.. nvm tml will be a better dae. Got Hip Hop dance at 12 pm. Muz slp early if not tml cannot wake up again..

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